It has been said that the tongue is to be feared far more than the sword, and this is definitely the case when it comes to relationships. Oftentimes, out of anger, we tend to say things we later regret to our significant other without thinking of the repercussions. Most couples that I work with tend to have an underlying belief that by verbally lashing out, they are somehow dispersing the anger built up inside of them. However, words are like poisons to the relationship, and can be deadly over time.

If you think back to when you first fell in love, when that person was the apple of your eye, and could do no wrong- you would probably have balked at the idea of calling them “classless,” or “selfish.” Any time you overheard anyone else doing wrong to them, your heart ached to heal the object of your affection. Yet, over time we become more comfortable and become lazy with our emotions. We fling them around, thinking that if we put our anger on someone else, it will somehow dissipate or lessen within us.

If we think of relationships like our bodies, we can start to understand that we get out what we put in. If we are putting toxic, cheap foods into our body and not exercising, eventually we will begin to feel less vigorous and vivacious. Yet when we eat healthy, nutritious foods and get back on our exercise regimen, we wake up feeling ready to take on the world.

Our relationships should be treated the same way we treat our bodies. We should put work into them daily. How much better would yours be if you devoted an entire hour over the course of the day to figuring out what might make your loved one’s day go more smoothly? What if instead of lashing out every time we got angry, we held our tongue-swords and did something more productive with our anger? How much better would the quality of our love be if we invested our kind words and loving attention into our significant other?

This week, try going on a relationship health-kick. Start by becoming conscious of how much time you are spending “needing,” and how much of your time you are spending “giving.” When you get an urge to read your partner the riot act- engage in opposite action and do something nice for them. Look at your loved one like you would a small child. Would you say the same hurtful things to that child, or would you approach them with understanding and love?

If you aren’t in a relationship, maybe this is time to take personal inventory of how much time you spend “needing,” vs. “giving.” Have most of your dates gone belly-up because you were maybe to self-focused or concentrating on what you needed during the date vs. what your date might want or need?

On a broader scale, how much different would the world be if we all thought this way?