Recently, a guy began telling me about one of his hall o’ shame worst dates ever. He told me that on one date he flat out told the girl that he had been on job interviews that were more fun. He said that she just kept drilling him with questions, “what do you do?” “what are your views on religion? Politics?” On another date, the girl would simply answer the questions he asked her about herself, but never asked him anything, or talked about anything of interest.

Then I got to thinking, these girls are probably not the only ones out there who could use a little dating make-over. The former girl probably was told somewhere that it’s important to ask the other person lots of questions to keep the date interesting. The latter girl probably heard the “rules” advice of not revealing too much on the first date and not appearing too “needy” or “desperate” on the first date. Yet, both failed, and in the end lost a great guy (lucky for me- I got him for now.. .

The rule about being a great date is that there are no firm and fast rules about being a great date. As cliché as it may sound, it is about being yourself. This can be a tall order for most of us, especially when there is a core underlying belief that ourselves aren’t good enough.

Instead of adhering to specific rules about what you should and shouldn’t do- try remembering this simple acronym: HIRS. It stands for the words happy, interested, reflective, smiling.

The first principle is that happy people like to be around other happy people. Conversely, misery loves company. Unless you want to attract miserable people into your life, keep it light. Focus on the positive things that are happening in your life, what you think is funny, what you think Is great about someone else, or even better- the person  sitting across the table from you.

Research demonstrates that when people talk negatively about other people. Those same traits that someone is using to bad mouth someone, actually become associated with the person whom it came from by the person hearing the story. In simpler terms, if you tell your date that your best friend has such low self-esteem and is needy, he will associate those same traits with you, subconsciously.

The second principle, interest, is an easy one. If you are interested, ACT INTERESTED! So many people feel like they have to play coy, when all we want as humans is to feel good about ourselves. Keep in mind that our date has their own worries and doubts, by creating a false sense of disinterest, we are merely feeding an already negative feeling.

Also, a key point to remember is that people can intuit if we are genuinely interested, or if we are just faking it. So find something about that person that genuinely and truly interests you. A great example might be, “you know I really admire how you can just talk to anyone, how do you think it is that you got to be so confident?”

The third principle, reflective, means that we should be a mirror for our date. We should remember that this moment is not just about us. It is about another person who has their own insecurities, their own flaws. By thinking of ourselves as a mirror, it begins to take the pressure or spotlight off of us.

Another facet of this principle is to reflect back to them during the conversation. When talking about things you enjoy doing, reflect to them, “I really want to try surfing but am a bit scared, is that something you’ve ever tried?” If we simply engage in a run-on monologue about ourselves, we will lose the person at hello.

The last principle is very simple- SMILE. I have noticed that often times, when people get nervous or think too much, they frown. Just the simple act of smiling non-verbally relays to the other person that we are warm and inviting, that we are filled with joy and a joy, ourselves, to be around.